Sitting in the yuck
“I love to let my kids down”, said no parent ever. Whether they are toddling or doing driver’s ed, no parent loves that feeling of being the cause of disappointment, tears, tantrums, or weaponized silence, in their child. That’s what we call the ‘yuck’.
Parenting is hard in general
On a good day, responsible parenting puts you in the yuck at least 50% of the time. Humans have evolved some sensible instincts but even parents of the wisest kids will constantly find themselves asking them to do something different than what the kids want. “No, don’t stick your hand into the flame even though it looks so cool.” “No, you can’t take a piggyback ride the dog.”
Grandma’s parenting hacks don’t cover our realities today
Take a step back and think about this. A common cell phone today can perform instructions 120 MILLION times faster than the NASA computers that guided Neil Armstrong to the moon! (It’s true. Google it). Is your mind blown? It should be.
So yeah. This age we live in is kind of a big deal. It’s probably as important to human history as the invention of the wheel. We bet when wheels were first invented, challenges that parents couldn’t even fathom emerged. It’s just that over time, they’ve been so well resolved that we can’t even dream up one to write about.
Parenting needs an update…or a reboot…or an upgrade
The plusses of our digital age are numerous but we can’t ignore the clouds that hover over this shiny lining. For parenting, the biggest cloud is we’re probably not doing a great job using our new power. Are we harming our kids by letting them be on screens? Are we harming them by keeping them from getting the benefits of screens? Who knows?! It’s not easy being first.
On top of all the regular difficulties of parenting that our parents and grandparents faced, we have the internet and digital devices thrown into the mix. There isn’t a tried and tested playbook on parenting on that. We are going to make all the mistakes that future generations will read about in shock. Like the way we gasp to learn that people used to take X-rays for fun not knowing about the effects of radiation exposure.
Fortitude for facing the wrath of your kids over screen time
Nothing is as much fodder for parent-child disagreements as screen time. To do what we believe is best for kids, steering them into productive screen time, puts you in the yuck pretty much all the time! It’s a terrible no good feeling.
So this week, we are sharing thoughts to keep at the top of your mind to help you stand your ground. Think of these as reinforcements to help you resist the temptation of avoiding the yuck.
Recognize the child’s reaction doesn’t match what you are doing
Ok, so little Kennedy is wailing because you said enough Barbie, and time for Elinor Wonders Why and it’s getting to you. That reaction doesn’t reflect what you are actually doing. If the universe was fair, Kennedy would be yelling “#Best Parent” and high-fiving you. You’ve developed this muscle in other areas of parenting – in healthy eating and physical safety. When you stop a kid from eating their 3rd popsicle and they claim you’ve ruined their life, that rolls off you. You don’t bat an eye when a child howls in pain when you say no to skating without their helmet. Bring some of that understanding that you’re helping them around the choices you make for their screen time.
Recognize that regardless of their reaction, you can achieve the goal
Your goal is to gift them productive screen time. This means screen time that keeps them engaged, intrigued, and entertained – all while their learning. Even if the child starts doing the activity full of resentment that you made them do it, they will still absorb something. However, we all know that you learn better when you’re enjoying yourself so put in the work to get productive resources and the yuck will be shortened.
Recognize that you’re imparting an important life lesson – even yucky feelings eventually pass
As upset as your child is, no child will stay there forever. No, it is not true that giving in to their wish is the only thing that will return their happiness. They may say they will never be happy again if you don’t let them watch Henry Danger. Help them to see that their joy doesn’t actually end. There will be so many disagreements over screens. We might as well squeeze learning from them – on and off that screen.
